Why Does Self-Care Feel Selfish?
The first time I heard the phrase “self-care,” I was in graduate school.
It was the beginning of the fall semester. During student introductions, professor after professor asked, “What do you do for self-care?”
As I prepared to introduce myself during my first class, I stared at the question prompt and immediately felt stuck. Admittedly, I didn’t really know what self-care was. On some level, I knew taking care of yourself—meeting your basic needs like getting enough sleep, eating a somewhat healthy diet and exercising—was important, but I couldn’t think of anything I did that would classify as “intentional self-care.” I ended up stealing a mix of my classmates’ answers and sat in discomfort as I started to realize intentionally caring for yourself is not a luxury but a necessity.
Emotion Regulation: Learning to Feel Without Reacting
I made two major mistakes in the long program at my final national championships.
After facing my fate in the kiss and cry, I walked back to a quiet locker room and forcefully chucked my skating bag across the room.
It was a moment of release. I let the anger and sadness take control and then, horrified with myself, quickly tucked those feelings away with a silent promise I wouldn’t let them out again.
I redid my makeup, brushed my bangs and walked out to the medal ceremony.
Separating Achievement from Self-Worth
As a skater, the best moment during a competition isn’t when you find out you’ve won.
It isn’t when you’re standing on the podium hearing your national anthem or when you look out to the crowd and see a standing ovation.
Don’t get me wrong, these moments are wonderful. They feel amazing, satisfying, incredibly rewarding.