When People-Pleasing Becomes a Survival Mechanism (And steps to help ourselves)
There’s a moment in a subjective sport right before the judges’ marks come up that is so intimate and honest.
No matter how hard an athlete tries to seem neutral in that moment—a calm smile on their face, a distracted conversation with their coaches—their eyes tend to reveal the weight of the next few minutes.
The Inconvenience of Feelings
I made two major mistakes in the long program at my final national championships.
After facing my fate in the kiss and cry, I walked back to a quiet locker room and forcibly chucked my skating bag and chair across the room. It was a moment of release. I let the anger and sadness take control and then quietly—and quickly—tucked those feelings away with a silent promise I wouldn’t let them out again.
What You’re Searcing For Isn’t Found in a Number
No one begins a diet because they want to feel bad.
Even when dieting stems from self-punishment, behind the diet is the hope: Once I lose weight, I will feel better.
The attempt to lose weight comes with the promise of feeling better. And this promise is often kept—but only temporarily.
Paying Your Dues (To Yourself)
There’s a phrase young skaters are often told when moving up from the junior to the senior level:
“You have to pay your dues.”
Most skaters hate this phrase.
Is Self-Care Selfish? Redefining What Self-Care Means
The first time I heard the phrase “self-care,” I was in graduate school. At the beginning of my first semester, during student introductions, we were consistently asked by our professors, “What do you do for self-care?”
At the start of the first class, I stared at the question prompt and immediately felt stuck. Admittedly, I didn’t really know what self-care was. On some level, I knew taking care of yourself—meeting your basic needs like getting enough sleep, eating when your body is hungry and exercising—was important, but I couldn’t think of anything I did that would classify as “intentional self-care.” I ended up stealing a mix of my classmates’ answers and sat in discomfort as I started to realize intentionally caring for yourself is not a luxury but a necessity.
From Self-Avoidance to Intentional Comfort
When I was living in LA and training as a skater, I had a daily routine after practice.
I’d leave the rink late in the afternoon, exhausted, mind spinning on what did and didn’t go well that day.
And I would be starving.
Consistency After Competition: Finding Stability in Transition
Kristi Yamaguchi didn’t head into the 1992 Olympic season with the highest technical content. She wasn’t the most powerful skater. She didn’t have the highest jumps or the fastest spins.
But she was consistent.
Even after making two mistakes in her long program at the Olympics, the strength of Kristi’s other elements and her consistency in the short program kept her ahead of the field. She became the 1992 Olympic Champion before embarking on an incredibly successful professional career where her dependability stood out event after event.
There’s Always Some Good in the Ugly Landings
When I was learning triple jumps as a young skater, I’d get really frustrated when one wasn’t landed to my satisfaction.
I didn’t like a landing that was scratchy, a jump that was overly tilted or a landing with a lack of speed; I didn’t like a jump I had to “save.” If I knew I could do the jump better, a less-than-stellar landing didn’t satisfy me.
My coach at the time had a different perspective.
The Process of Achievement
The best moment during an event isn’t when you find out you’ve won. It isn’t the moment when you’re standing on the podium hearing your national anthem or when you look up to the crowd and see a standing ovation.
Don’t get me wrong—these moments are wonderful. They feel amazing, satisfying, rewarding.
Learning to Trust Your Decisions
The biggest decision I made during my skating career happened a few days after starting the 8th grade.
It was a Friday night. My mom and I were sitting across from each other in our living room, 90 miles outside of Cape Cod, MA.